


Shut Your Quiznak

by doodlebutt



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Black Paladin Keith (Voltron), Fluff and Crack, M/M, Paladin Bonding Exercises, Post-Season/Series 06, Slow Burn, Slow Burn Keith/Lance (Voltron), Swearing, Work In Progress, and...probably angst as soon as I really start getting into the writing process, au where the castle doesn't get destroyed though, be kind this is my first voltron fic, other tags will be added, this was supposed to be crack I don't even know what happened
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-29 18:28:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15734985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doodlebutt/pseuds/doodlebutt
Summary: Shiro gets tired of the team's constant swearing, which seems to have got worse since he came back from the dead (he supposes his evil clone just didn't care enough about bad language). But rather than a simple swear jar - what money would they put in it, anyway? - he decides to take the opportunity to create ateam-building exercise.Every time one of the paladins swears, they have to say something nice about one of their teammates. No exceptions, no excuses... just genuine compliments.What could possibly go wrong?(AU where the Castle of Lions survived the end of season six, because I do what I want)





	Shut Your Quiznak

Shiro stands with his arms folded and watches as the paladins file into the room. They're all tired after the latest round of battles against truly ridiculous odds, and it shows - in the slump of Pidge's slender shoulders, the dark shadows under Keith's eyes, the way Lance holds himself a little more carefully than usual after an evening spent in a healing pod - though that wouldn't be obvious to most people, considering how wildly he's waving his arms around in emphasis of whatever point he's making in his conversation with Hunk. Even Allura looks exhausted.  
  
"- and then as soon as we got the quiznaking thing working again, they said -"  
  
Shiro clears his throat and Lance looks up at him with a perfectly innocent expression.  
"Thankyou, Lance. You've provided the perfect opportunity to demonstrate our new team-building exercise."   
  
Five pairs of eyes stare at him with various expressions of suspicious confusion.  
  
"Say something nice about one of your teammates."   
"Uh." Lance blinks, then grins. "Keith would probably be pretty useful around the ship if he'd just stop being emo and brooding everywhere -"  
"I am not _emo_ -"  
"Ah-ah, I saw the playlist you left open -"  
"Lance." Shiro raises an eyebrow and waits for Lance to look at him again, which he does after returning Keith's glare with a smirk. "I said something _nice._ A genuine compliment."   
"Um. Pidge is really good at hacking stuff?"   
Hunk laughs. "Understatement of the year, dude, could you not come up with anything -"  
Shiro sighs pointedly and everyone's attention returns to him.   
"Can anyone guess what the exercise is?"   
"I don't think I want to," mutters Keith, and Lance fires back immediately:  
"What, is it against your Emo Rules to say nice things about people?"   
"It's against the rules of the universe to say nice things about _you_ -"  
Shiro raises his voice slightly, cutting across both boys without bothering to tell them off. "The exercise is designed to reduce the amount of unnecessary swearing on this ship as well as improve your team relationships - something we could all do with after recent events." He doesn't miss the way Keith's gaze drops uncomfortably to the floor, or Lance glancing anxiously between them. "Every time I hear the word _quiznak,_ I want to immediately hear something nice about one of your teammates. Coran, Krolia, and Romelle are on board as well and will be joining in, so don't think you can get away with it just because I'm not in the room. Any questions - no, Lance, you cannot compliment the same person every single time you swear. Anyone else?"   
Lance sticks his lower lip out into a pout, and Shiro can't help smiling a little. It will be good for Lance to appreciate the qualities of the rest of his team - and hear some positive things about himself too. Shiro knows his self-esteem is lower than all that flashy outward confidence suggests.  
  
***  
  
"Oh, _quiznak!"_  
"Pidge."   
"We're in the middle of a battle, Shiro!" Pidge's voice is frantic through the comms, and a burst of static cuts between the team as the back end of the green lion is caught in a blast of energy from the Galra cruiser, sending it spinning out of control away from the others.  
"Pidge! Are you alright?!" Hunk takes off immediately, abandoning his attack on the ship and drawing several smaller fighters after him as he speeds towards her -- but the green lion has already righted itself and spun around to fire back at the ion cannon, taking out one of the three main blasters with a burst of thick, destructive vines.   
"I'm fine. Keith has natural instincts in a fight and pulls off crazy stuff that would get most people killed."   
Lance's laughter cuts into the conversation, slightly high-pitched and nervous. "That's a _compliment?_ Don't encourage him, for quiznak's sake -"  
"Lance."   
"UGH. Hunk somehow manages to get the food goo to taste nice."   
"Aw, thanks buddy -- look out behind!"  
The red lion pulls downwards immediately, leaving a clear space for Hunk to fire at the tight formation of fighters which had crept up on Lance while he was distracted. The shockwave as they explode pushes him sideways -- headfirst into the path of the ion cannon, which is fully powered for another blast --   
  
It's a weaker shot, due to only two of the three blasters being functional, but it takes several ticks for Lance's vision to clear and his ears to stop ringing - and several more for the voices of the rest of his team to filter in through the haze of temporary disorientation.  
"Lance? Buddy, you okay?"  
"Lance, come in!"  
_"Lance - !"_  
Was that _Keith_ with that note of utter panic in his voice?  
"Mm." Lance groans and tries again. "I'm here, chill out." He reaches out and runs his hands over the controls, the realisation that his lion has lost power slowly dawning on him in the darkness. "No power though."   
_"Quiznak."_    
"Keith."   
"Shiro." Lance can hear Keith's gritted teeth even through the crackling static of the connection. "The red lion has no power. We just spent thirty ticks not knowing if Lance was alive. _If I want to say quiznak, I will say quiznak."_  
"I never said you couldn't say it." Shiro's voice is mild and calm, and Lance uses that calm to try and even out his own breathing. In the background he can feel explosions on every side, and he can only hope the others are winning the fight without him.   
  
_Come on, Red... we can do this..._  
  
"Fine." Keith's voice again. Lance realises he's missed the rest of the conversation -- but he can sense the red lion beginning to wake up beneath his fingertips, and wills the process to happen faster. "Hunk is a very kind person, Pidge's loyalty to her family is admirable, and Lance can out-shoot everyone we've ever come up against."  
  
_Wait, what?_  
  
Red roars to life under his hands, and the cheers of Pidge, Hunk and Allura drown out the ringing silence which some part of Lance is sure should be filling the comms right about now. Someone yells "Let's go!" and then he's moving, piloting half by instinct (and he loves how Red helps with that) as he melts a long strip down the side of the cruiser with the fire blaster. Allura is above him, freezing the remaining parts of the ion cannon - not that it will hold for long, but maybe long enough - and Pidge shoots more of the deadly vines into every glowing purple orifice of the ship. It's a concerted burst of effort from all of them, topped off by Keith and Hunk shooting at the cruiser from every angle -- Lance pulls back as he sees glowing cracks begin to spread across the dark surface, and then --   
  
_* * * B A N G * * *_  
  
Later on, after the euphoria of successful teamwork has died down and the paladins are picking unenthusiastically at the latest food goo experiment (cinnamon flavoured, apparently, though Lance thinks it tastes more like sawdust), Lance wonders if he will ever get used to the unsettling silence of explosions in space.


End file.
